Saturday, August 13, 2011

Just Beyond the Clouds

 Am I really here, or am I just there? Do I know who I can trust just me? I have to protect myself? I cant get hurt again.
Sometimes people act like they have it altogether. Sometimes they laugh, when silently they cry. They say nothing, but inside they are screaming. Sometime, people just don't understand. Sometimes, time doesn't always heal, laughter isn't a medicine, and the sun isn't always behind the clouds.

  Why do I have to act like I have it altogether? Sometimes I just pretend for so long i just want to cry out, rip off my mask and scream, "Here I am! This is me! This is who I am! If you don't like me, cant say I blame you." I'm sick of pretending. I'm sick of having to act like I have it altogether, when in reality...I don't. I'm not quite sure ANYONE has it altogether. I think secretly inside, everyone is screaming something.                                             
 Whey do I have to pretend to the very same people your supposed to run to? Why do I have to pretend to my family, my friends, my church? This is MY life...I Just have to accept that. This is who I am. This is me. I say, "If you don't like me, I don't care, I know who I am I don't need you." But in reality, I DO care what people think. I guess when you get talked about your whole life you lose the ability to separate the lies from the truth. Or maybe they become the same thing.

 You start to wonder who has the real idea about you. Sometimes people are saying stuff for so long, when you hear them say it, you just nod your head and say, "Yes, I know. It's the truth, I know."

 So who has the right idea about you? Is it me? Or my best friend who knows what I think about me, but not about what I have done, or me who knows what I have done, who chose to DO what i have done, and knows what I think about myself FOR doing what I have done? I'm pretty sure it's me...

 Not always is there an upside. Sometimes there is no silver lining, or two sides to every story. Or even the sun beyond the rain. "Cause what if your Blessings come through rain drops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know your here? And what if trials of this life, are your mercies in disguise?" There is no such thing.

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